


Fears

by xsabrix



Category: BLYTON Enid - Works, Malory Towers - Enid Blyton
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-01-15 06:13:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21248750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xsabrix/pseuds/xsabrix
Summary: "There was a difference, a big difference, between things that made Mary-Lou scared and things that made her jump.Alicia, for instance, made her jump."





	1. Chapter 1

It was common knowledge that Mary-Lou was easily scared.

But she had gotten better. She hardly ever screamed now – even when she saw a spider, which had been one of her biggest phobias when she was younger. There was one in the corner right now, and she was trying her best to ignore it until someone hopefully came along and got rid of it. It did make it harder to concentrate on darning her socks, though. She couldn’t help imagining it crawling up her leg at any given moment.

Nervous jumping had been harder to control. When she was a first former, she would jump at pretty much the slightest noise. She couldn’t really help it, she had lived all her life in the quiet countryside, and wasn’t used to loud, sudden noises, or the loud, merry voices of other schoolgirls. No, these simply made her nervous, not fearful; her horrors growing up had always been quiet ones.

Now she was older, it slightly irritated her how the girls often misunderstood her nervousness for fear. Sometimes Mary-Lou wondered if these girls had ever felt true fear in their lives, and that’s why they couldn’t really differentiate the two.

One thing was being afraid of something, and another quite different was to be nervous about something.

For instance, she was afraid of spiders. And earwigs. And any other insect. That was a relatively small fear, one she could easily control.

Then there was the water. And the dark. Those were big fears, and harder, much harder to control. The idea of being trapped in a dark room, or drowning, filled the girl with a strong sense of horror.

She had learned to control those fears somewhat. But the girls wouldn’t understand, couldn’t even begin to understand, the things that crossed her mind whenever someone ducked her underwater or whenever she was alone in a pitch-black space. It was absolute hell. She wondered what it was like to never have been in an absolute hell, to never have hellish memories come up like flames in the dark.

So there was a difference, a big difference, between things that made her scared and things that made her jump.

Alicia, for instance, made her jump.

She made her jump now, and her stomach do a slight summersault, as she saw her come into the common room. Alicia saw, of course – those quick, attentive, hawk-like eyes noticed everything – and rolled her eyes, snorting.

“Last term, and you’re still scared of me, Mary-Lou?” she said, in her lazy, smooth voice.

Had Mary-Lou been like Alicia, she would have rolled her eyes back at her. Instead, she just blushed slightly, and murmured “I’m not scared.”

Alicia raised her eyebrows and looked disbelieving, but it was the truth. She wasn’t scared of the girl, she simply made her nervous. She wasn’t sure why. She knew it had something to do with that sharp tongue, that unpredictability. You never knew what cutting remark she was going to say next; what venomous joke would slip out of that quick-witted mouth. Once Daphne, while groaning over a complicated math quiz, had confessed to how much she envied Alicia’s brains.

“She’s so smart”, she had sighed. “It’s so frustrating how someone can have such brains and use them to say such awful things.”

Daphne had never liked Alicia much.

“She’s awful”, she had remarked once, after a particularly cutting comment about Daphne caring too much about her looks (Mary-Lou secretly thought she had a point, but she would never tell Daphne that). “She’s forever putting people down. If she’s so wonderful and everyone else is so stupid, why doesn’t she try helping them to be smarter instead of telling them how dumb they are all the time? It just goes to show she doesn’t care about others not being smart. She just cares about putting them down and making herself look good. I bet she’s insecure, only people who are insecure do that kind of thing. Confident people try to lift other people up.”

That was the main thing Mary-Lou liked about her best friend, and thought it a pity that most of the girls didn’t really know this side of her; she wasn’t smart academically speaking, but she was smart in other ways. She could read people really well, and had a sense beyond the typical school values about what was right and wrong. After the stealing incident, she had become so much wiser about values, and self-worth, and being kind to people. She often questioned the school’s strict ideas of what a “good, strong, intelligent English woman” was.

“There are so many different ways of being good, and strong, and kind”, she would say. “It’s all so horribly limited here.”

Mary-Lou thought Daphne was right in so many things. And she thought she had a point about Alicia. Mary-Lou knew, however, that Alicia wasn’t really bad, or awful. Some of the things she said were awful, but she herself wasn’t, not really. She was just too witty for her own good, and had no patience for those who weren’t. And she was funny, which made her much more likeable. And it had to be said, she had become softer, over the years, just as Mary-Lou had become braver. She did try, at least, to be more patient.

She was trying to be patient now, as she saw Mary-Lou warily eyeing the spider in the corner. Back in first form, she would have probably said something cutting. Now she merely rolled her eyes.

“Do you want me to get rid of it?” she asked, after a while.

“Oh, yes, please” Mary-Lou replied in her soft voice, her eyes pleading.

Alicia pushed back the temptation, almost instinct, to snort contemptuously, and took her shoe of. She walked towards the corner of the room, shoe raised high, about to smash it down against the spider.

“Don’t kill it!” the smaller girl cried out, her cheeks pink.

Alicia’s first reaction was one of surprise; Mary Lou hardly ever raised her voice. The second reaction was to, again, roll her eyes. The timid girl had a tendency to make her eyes roll, a lot.

“Are you taking the mick, Mary-Lou? I thought you wanted me to get rid of it”

“I do, but I – I don’t want you to _kill_ it” replied Mary-Lou, her voice meek.

This time, Alicia couldn’t help snorting contemptuously.

“All right, I’ll kindly invite it to leave the room, please and thank you, and please do come back soon for some afternoon tea, shall I?”

Mary-Lou sighed at the sarcasm.

“Just – could you kind of egg it on to go outside?”

“Egg it on? It’s not a first former playing lacrosse about to score a goal, Mary-Lou. It doesn’t respond to gentle coaxing. I thought you hated spiders, anyway”, Alicia replied, her voice a mix of exasperation and amusement.

“I don’t hate them, they just scare me, that’s all. Just because you’re scared of something doesn’t mean you want it to die” protested Mary-Lou.

A part of Alicia, the cruel, somewhat sadistic, black humor side of her considered splatting the spider dead just to see the look of dismay and guilt on the smaller girl’s face. Of course, she didn’t do that. She looked at the beseeching big brown eyes looking up at her and rolled her eyes for a third time, her lips twitching upwards in mild amusement, and swept the spider inside the shoe.

“Fine. I’ll take it out. Mind you, though, the cats might eat it, which would be an even more torturous death, so, you know, on your own head be it.”

“Thanks, Alicia. Thank you ever so much” stammered Mary-Lou, relieved.

Alicia would never admit this to anyone, but despite how much the smaller girl’s scared looking eyes and meek manner infuriated her at times, she had over the years developed somewhat of a soft spot. It was hard not to, since she was so bloody _nice_, and sweet. And it was a rare, properly authentic niceness and sweetness, not like the fake, over the top niceness that was Catherine, for instance – Alicia really could not stick Catherine – or Daphne’s occasional fake, saccharine sweetness that always appeared whenever she wanted to get her way with something. It was hard to dislike someone who was that authentically sweet.

She opened the window, shook her shoe and the spider fell out onto the grass below. Then she took her book and resumed reading, and Mary-Lou resumed her darning. They were silent for a few moments. But Alicia could tell now something else was troubling the other girl. She kept looking at the window, a slightly worried expression on her face. At one point she got up and peered outside, and Alicia suddenly let out an incredulous laugh.

“You’re worried about it now, aren’t you? You’re actually worried about it being attacked by cats!”

Mary-Lou went beetroot red.

“No…I…” she stammered. Then she sighed. “It’s just…it must be an awful way to die.”

Alicia slapped her leg, hooting with mirth. “Gosh, you’re something else, Mary-Lou” she laughed, shaking her head in disbelief.

She closed her book and looked at the other girl intensely. Something about that look made Mary-Lou’s nerves start up again, and she dropped her sock. Alicia’s lips twitched again, her expression a mix of amusement and slight intrigue.

“’Just because you’re scared of something doesn’t mean you want it to die’”, repeated Alicia, quoting what the other girl had said moments earlier. “Guess that means you don’t want me to die, either, then. That’s a relief. I mean, it’s always the quiet one who’s the murderer in detective novels, so I’ve always been a bit wary”, she grinned at Mary-Lou lazily and stretched back on the armchair, yawning slightly.

“But I’m not scared of you!” protested Mary-Lou weakly.

Alicia chuckled, her eyes bright with amusement.

“Why did you drop your sock just now then? And you practically jumped out of your skin when I walked in, right now. Anyone would think you were a first former and I was Miss Grayling giving you a telling-off.”

Mary-Lou looked pathetically lost for words.

“I’m just teasing you, old thing. Although you have to admit, you do jump out of your skin whenever I-” she began, before the bell interrupted what she was going to say next.

* * *

“Today we’re going to be doing something different”, said Ms. Cox, the new English & Literature teacher, smiling around at the girls. “You’ll be working on an essay about Fear. What is Fear and what causes it. It will count for 80 per cent of your grade, so I expect you to work hard on it. I want you to get into pairs - not so fast!” she laughed, as all the girls began to pair up with their usual best friend; “I’ll be assigning your partners.”

There was some groaning and mild protesting at the idea of being paired up with someone other than their usual partner.

“Belinda Morris…you’ll be working with Gwendoline Mary Lacy.”

Belinda groaned audibly, and Gwendoline scowled. Irene let out one of her giggles.

“Now, now, no need for that…Darrell Rivers, you’ll be with Irene”

Darrell and Irene grinned at each other. That was lucky for them, thought Mary Lou. They already got on really well.

“Moira Linton…Daphne Turner.”

She heard Daphne make a silent, protesting sound under her breath. She smiled to herself, shaking her head slightly. Daphne disliked Moira even more than Alicia.

“Mary Lou…Alicia Johns”.

Her stomach did another jolt, and she jumped. Of course she jumped, she thought crossly. It was so silly, Alicia making her nervous like this. No one seemed to notice this slight little jolt on Mary Lou’s part, since it was really very slight. Except for Alicia, of course; when she caught her eye, she saw her smirking slightly, her eyes bright with amusement.

“It’s such a nice day, I thought we could work outside today”, smiled Miss Cox. “Just go in two’s wherever you like on the grounds and talk about your biggest fear – just so you can start thinking about the subject.”

Mary Lou couldn’t imagine Alicia having a fear at all. She seemed so fearless about everything, she didn’t even think she knew what fear even was. As they all walked out into the grounds, she saw Alicia making a mock sad face to Betty, and then shrug her shoulders, grin and wave as she walked away with Mary Lou. She felt a surge of something similar to disappointment as she thought about how obviously Alicia would much rather be with Betty for this activity, or even Darrell. She was being silly, of course, and hypocritical; she would also much rather be doing this with Daphne, she told herself. She felt comfortable with Daphne, like with a sister, almost; she didn’t feel like her heart was going to pound out of her throat every two seconds.

They sat down at the bottom of an oak tree, and Alicia leaned back against the tree trunk, facing the warm sun, and closed her eyes, in her characteristic nonchalant, almost lazy manner.

“Well”, she began, a hint of sly humor in her voice “I already know your worst fear is me, so…”

Mary Lou couldn’t help letting out a laugh. Alicia grinned.

“I made you laugh. I guess that means you’re not that scared of me”.

“Are you disappointed?” Asked Mary Lou. She was slightly taken aback at her quick witted own response, and inwardly congratulated herself. Alicia opened one eye in surprise, and a slow grin spread across her face.

“I am a bit, to be completely honest. I was looking forward to hearing you talk about how terrifying I am” she replied.

There was a short silence while Alicia sunbathed and Mary Lou played with a blade of grass.

“So, spill the beans honey, like Zerelda would say” said Alicia. “Tell me your biggest fear. Spiders?”

Mary Lou smiled slightly. “No. I am scared of them, but that’s a small fear”.

“Right. And you were worried about that one being eaten by a cat, so you can’t really be that scared of them.”

There was another short silence as Mary Lou took a sip from her watter bottle.

“Maybe it’s something deeper. Like a hypothethical situation. What about Daphne stealing all your possessions?” she asked in her smooth voice.

Mary Lou snorted into her water bottle and began to choke.

“Sorry, that was mean”, grinned Alicia devilishly, not really looking sorry at all.

Mary Lou coughed, feeling bad for laughing at the expense of her best friend like this. She had found the idea unexpectedly hilarious. It was something about the absurdity of the idea of Daphne stealing all her things out of the blue, and of course, the fact that it did strike close to home.

“Don’t you worry about that, ever? Just curious” asked Alicia.

“Daphne stealing from me? Oh, not at all”, replied Mary Lou. “She never did anything like that again”. She immediately turned serious again, feeling guilty. It felt like a betrayal of Daphne, talking about her mistakes in the past with Alicia.

“You don’t know her. She’s a really good person, you know”, she added, defensively.

Alicia looked at her.

“I never said she wasn’t, old thing. Don’t get all offended” she nudged her gently, and Mary Lou jumped at the touch. Alicia stared, an inquisitive look on her face, like she couldn’t quite figure the other girl out. Mary Lou decided to speak before she could say anything.

“Um…anyway…” she began, looking down at the grass, so the sharp-tounged girl wouldn’t see the blush creeping up on her cheeks, “my biggest fear…I don’t know…”

She knew, of course. She also knew Alicia would scoff.

“If I tell you, will you promise not to laugh?” she finally asked tentatively.

“I don’t know if I can promise that…”

“Alicia…”

“All right, all right. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

There was silence, before Mary Lou finally said, her voice a whisper: “the dark”.

Alicia didn’t laugh. May Lou would have almost preferred it if she had; instead, she looked at the smaller girl with such scorn her heart sank, and she turned her head away.

“The dark? Your biggest fear is the dark?”

Mary Lou nodded.

“At your age? How do you sleep if you’re scared of the dark?”

Mary Lou shook her head. “No, that’s different…we’re all together in one room. It’s more when I’m alone in a dark room, in a pitch black room” she replied, already regretting telling the other girl this.

“How do you sleep at home when you’re on your own and in your room?”

Mary Lou didn’t reply. How could she explain to Alicia how she couldn’t sleep in her room, how she never had been able to sleep in her room? How she couldn’t even step foot inside her room? How, ever since her father left, she slept in her mother’s bed? She had never told anyone that; it was too embarrassing. Sleeping with your mother, at this age! It was unheard of.

“I-I keep a nightlight on”, she lied.

Alicia snorted.

“Don’t. You said you wouldn’t laugh” said Mary Lou, looking at her reproachfully.

“I’m not laughing. I just think it’s ridiculous. You’re seventeen years old and you’re scared of the dark? I’ve never heard of anything like it.”

The scorn in the other girl’s voice was too much for Mary Lou. Her eyes filled with tears. She knew this would only make Alicia scorn her more, and think less of her; she had no patience for girls who cried at the drop of a hat, like Gwendoline. So, doing her best to not let them spill over, she decided to lie.

“It’s spiders”, she said curtly.

“What?”

“My biggest fear. It is spiders. I was just joking about the dark”, she repeated.

Alicia gave her a sideways glance, before shrugging and closing her eyes again. They were silent for a few minutes. Finally, Alicia spoke.

“Mine’s not having a sense of humor.”

Mary Lou looked inquiringly at her.

“My fear. Not being able to find anything funny anymore.”

Mary Lou nodded slowly. That made sense. The bell rang, and the class was over.

* * *

“She’s a complete dictator”, exploded Daphne as soon as she saw Mary Lou.

“Who?” asked Mary Lou.

“Moira, of course. She won’t listen to any of my ideas for the essay. I’m supposed to talk about my fears and feelings to her? Fat chance” she snorted, shaking the curls away from her face like she always did when she was angry about something, her blue eyes flashing. Mary Lou smiled and felt a rush of affection for her friend.

“What did she say?” she asked, sympathetically.

“Oh, just something along the lines of not being able to work with a soft-brained bimbo like me”, replied the blonde girl, rolling her eyes. She looked at Mary-Lou’s face and frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…Alicia and I don’t really work together either” she shrugged.

Daphne’s frown intensified.

“Did she say something bad to you? I’ll kill her.”

Mary Lou smiled and shook her head.

“No, no. Just Alicia being Alicia, that’s all.”

She still didn’t understand what had possessed her to confess her fear of the dark to Alicia, of all people. She hadn’t even told Daphne, although she suspected Daphne knew ever since that time she went to spend a week at her house and had gotten stuck in the pitch black broom closet for two minutes. She had come out crying and felt like she couldn’t breathe. Daphne was tactful, though, and had said nothing about it, just like Mary Lou had never brought up her past of stealing. They seemed to have an implicit agreement of sorts, to not judge each other, no matter what. They understood each other, and related to each other on a deep level somewhere in their subconscious, a sort of tacit understanding of “we’re the same”. The same in what way, Mary Lou didn’t know; they had a lot of things in common, of course, but it was more than that.

“Moira being Moira and Alicia being Alicia. Nothing new”, smiled Daphne, linking her arm through Mary Lou’s.


	2. The photograh

Mary Lou avoided Alicia for the next few weeks. She knew they had to work on the essay, but she also knew Alicia wasn’t likely to want to start writing it in a hurry; being the combination of lazy and intelligent as she was, she had a tendency to leave jobs and homework until the last minute and then do it splendidly in one day. Usually this would have made Mary Lou anxious, since she knew she didn’t have Alicia’s fast brains, but the idea of working with the girl and facing her, at this moment, made her more anxious than the idea of doing badly on the essay. 

“At least that’s the good thing of working with Alicia”, Daphne said, groaning, as she picked up her books and headed for the door. “Moira is such a dictator she insists on working on it every single day at her convenience. I told her I can’t work on it right now because I want to write to my family and do some mending, and she just said she can’t later on so I’d better do whatever I need to do later. She always expects me to accommodate to her timetable.” 

Mary-Lou looked up from her book and smiled sympathetically. Daphne stopped before heading out and looked at her.

“Mind you, you really should be getting a move on with that essay. It counts for nearly the whole mark in literature. How far have you gotten along with it?”

“Well…we haven’t really started writing it yet”, admitted Mary Lou sheepishly.

Daphne’s eyes widened in surprise.

“What?? Nothing at all?? You should go look for Alicia and start right away. There's not much time left to write it, you know…and it’s not easy.”

Mary Lou nodded unenthusiastically, and Daphne studied her friend quizzically. 

“What’s wrong? She can’t be worse than Moira. I thought you were friendly with her…you know, along with Darrell and Sally and the rest of them”.

Mary Lou nodded, forcing a smile.

“I am, it’s just…I don’t know. She kind of made fun of my fear the other day” she admitted.

Daphne rolled her eyes, smiling affectionately.

“Don’t take it personally, silly. What do you expect? It’s Alicia, she makes fun of everyone. It’s her way. I mean, you always say it yourself when she’s made fun of me and you defended her.”

“I know”, sighed Mary Lou. “I’ll go look for her in a bit”.

Daphne nodded.  
“  
All right…wish me luck, I’m off to Mussolini’s study now” she grimaced.

Mary Lou laughed. Mussolini was Daphne’s new nickname for the dictatorial Moira. As soon as she left, Mary Lou sighed and closed her book. She really should go looking for Alicia, but she didn’t think she could face her. Then again, she had to, sooner or later. 

She walked towards the other girl’s study, which she shared with Betty. She hoped Alicia hadn’t told her, or anyone else, about what she had confessed to her. Nobody had said anything so far, so she probably hadn’t, but Betty was another matter; they told each other everything. 

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Her hands were shaking slightly, and she scolded herself inwardly for being so idiotic. 

“Going”, called out Alicia’s smooth voice. Mary Lou waited, trying to ignore her racing pulse.

The door opened. Alicia looked surprised, and grinned.

“Mary Lou! Come in. Sorry for the mess...I’ve just come in and Betty, as usual, left an absolute disaster behind…she’s honestly the messiest person I’ve ever met in my entire life” laughed Alicia, as she gathered some papers scattered across the wooden table. 

Mary Lou looked around the study. She had never been in Alicia and Betty’s study before; whenever the usual gang –that is, Darrell, Sally, Irene, Belinda, Alicia, Betty and Mary Lou - got together to chat, they usually did so in the common room, or in Darrell and Sally’s study, which was the largest, since Darrell was head girl. 

It was definitely messier than Mary Lou and Daphne’s study, which was always kept neat and, thanks to Daphne’s dainty and girly tastes, prettily decorated, with blue curtains and quaint ornaments. She could see Alicia and Betty had added their own touch to their study as well, their tastes being more colorful and fun than Mary Lou’s and Daphne’s soft pastel choices. The curtains were red with gold swirls, and a painting of two clowns hanged from the wall. Alicia’s juggling balls rested on the cupboard, and Mary Lou recognized a few souvenirs of her old tricks, like the “magic chalk”. There were also many books, both schoolbooks and novels, but what caught her attention the most were the amount of photographs. Photographs of Alicia’s parents, her brothers, and one of Betty and Alicia fooling about, laughing. There was also a headshot of Alicia that captured her essence incredibly well – her lazy, devilish smirk, her eyes shining with mischief. You could tell she was thinking something wicked when that picture was taken.

Alicia followed her gaze and smiled. 

“My father’s really keen on photography. He took so many pictures of us in the holidays, he drove us insane. He gave me loads of photographs to bring with me.”

She walked towards the cupboard and opened the little door, taking out a packet of biscuits. She looked at the smaller girl standing by the door and waved her towards the table and chairs.

“Sit down, Mary Lou, for pete’s sake, you’re making me nervous. Do you want lemonade or ginger beer?”

“Lemonade, please”, replied Mary Lou, smiling, as she sat down on one of the chairs. She felt more relaxed now, seeing Alicia being so welcoming. For some reason, she hadn’t expected her to be. She had half-expected Alicia to tell her to buzz off – which was silly, of course she wouldn’t do that. But she couldn’t help feeling Alicia wouldn’t want her around – she had a tendency to feel that with the girl, even though she had never expressed such a thing. It was the reason Mary Lou still hesitated slightly before joining the girls whenever they got together to chat and gossip. It was a silly thing to feel; Alicia always greeted her with a cheerful “hullo, Mary Lou” – but she couldn’t help feeling that way.

Alicia poured them both a glass of lemonade and set them down with the packet of buscuits on the table.

“I’m glad you came over, Mary Lou. I thought you were avoiding me”.

Mary Lou shook her head a bit too quickly.

“What? Of course I wasn’t.” She replied. 

Alicia’s lips twitched, her eyes shining.  
“You’re a terrible liar, Mary Lou.” 

The girl was about to protest when Alicia took out her notebook.

“Anyway, we should probably get started on this essay.” Yawned Alicia. 

They worked for about an hour, reading encyclopedias and psychology books, each writing down what they found important. 

To Mary Lou’s surprise, Alicia wasn’t half as lazy as she usually was with work, and was considerably patient with her slower way of working. They worked all right together, better than she had expected.   
She began to feel more and more at ease with the other girl as days went by, and spent even more time in her study than in her own. Alicia always made her laugh as they worked, and at some point during the day they would take a break, chatting with ease as they ate crackers and drank lemonade. 

However, there were still moments when Mary Lou would still get that little nervous jolt; whenever Alicia’s hand brushed against hers, or whenever the other girl looked at her a little more intensely than usual. Mary Lou couldn’t for the life of her understand why. Sometimes Alicia would crack a joke at these little jumps – “Gosh, Mary Lou, just when I thought you’d lost all respect for me and my frightening manner by now” – but other times she could swear she saw a tinge of red appear on Alicia’s cheeks, and a questioning look in her eyes, as if she wanted to ask Mary Lou something but didn’t quite dare to. 

Like one particular day, when she caught the other girl staring at her intently. She felt that little jolt again, and Alicia looked down, scratching her nose, smiling almost sheepishly.

“Sorry. I just – do you mind if I take a picture of you?” she asked, going slightly red.

Mary Lou blushed, taken aback by the unexpected question. 

“Um…yes, all right…wait, you have a camera here?” her eyes widened. It was against school rules to have such a valuable possession. Alicia grinned and made a “ssshing” gesture.

“My father bought a new camera for himself and gave me his old one. Only Betty knows I’ve got it.”

She got up and opened the cupboard door, rummaging around in the back. She got out a small black camera, carefully uncovered the lens and pointed it at Mary Lou.

“It’s just, the light is illuminating you perfectly. And you have such big, expressive eyes…” she said, as she pressed the little button. The camera made a clicking sound, and Alicia grinned. “Perfect. I’ll have it developed next week. Actually, come here…”

She motioned to Mary Lou to sit next to her, so she lifted up the chair and placed it next to Alicia’s. Alicia held the camera out in front of them, facing their way, and clicked the button again. She laughed. “I don’t know how that one’ll come out…last time I tried doing that with Betty all I got was our mouths”.

The next week, Mary Lou saw Alicia had put the picture of them next to the one with Betty. It had come out surprisingly well, their heads close together, smiling. She felt flattered and surprised to be considered important enough to take a place on the cupboard, and realized Alicia must actually like her, not just put up with her for the essay. Alicia followed her gaze and smiled.

“It came out great in the end, didn’t it? Well, I look a bit weird, but it’s a good picture.” 

She opened a drawer and took out another photograph. 

“And look, here’s the one I took of you”.

Mary Lou looked at her timid face in the picture and smiled. 

“You’re good at taking pictures”, she remarked. Alicia grinned.

“My dad taught me some tips – what lighting is best, and things like that. I was right, see? The light on your eyes is perfect. You look beautiful – “

She stopped abruptly, and Mary Lou could feel her face turning hot. She looked down, blushing. Alicia looked embarrassed, too, and cleared her throat.

“…I mean, thanks to me, of course. And my amazing skills” she finally added, trying to cover up her slip of a tongue with a joke. 

They were silent for a long time after that.

Sometimes Betty would be there, of course, and the gossip and laughter would double up. She would go out a lot, though, for, as Mary Lou discovered, Betty had some boyfriend in town. She was slightly shocked at the idea of Betty slipping off to see some boy – actually, Mary Lou had a suspicion it might be more than one – but she also found it amusing. Mary Lou liked Betty; she was fun-loving, and possibly even more mischievous than Alicia, although her tongue wasn’t nearly as sharp or cutting, but more lose, as if she didn’t really think before she spoke, and often said things she shouldn’t. 

She came in that evening, her eyes widening as she saw them both reading in silence.

“Wow, Mary Lou, you actually got this one to be quiet and concentrate! I can’t believe it”.

Alicia laughed and rolled her eyes.

“Get lost, you tramp. And take that mess with you”, she replied, nodding towards the stack of papers the messy girl had piled up in a corner. 

“A-ha! Just what I was looking for. A part of the essay we wrote. Well, Clarissa wrote most of it”

“So Clarissa spent ages writing all that, and you just left it scattered on the floor? Really, Betty. Well, not that Clarissa would complain, but Bill’ll beat you up any minute for not appreciating her darling Clarissa’s hard work.”

“I know, I know. Terrible of me.” replied Betty, a hint of wickedness in her voice. “Bill’ll beat me up any moment, full stop...”

Suddenly, Betty looked over at the cupboard and saw the picture of Mary Lou and Alicia. She gasped audibly, in an exaggerated, joking manner.

“I say! What’s this betrayal?” she took the picture in her hands and looked at it closely, laughing.

Alicia grinned.

“Don’t be jealous, darling.” She drawled. 

“I most certainly am. Mary Lou, you’re stealing Alicia away from me! How dare you!” she replied in a mocking shocked voice, and then laughed. “Well, I guess it serves me right, really. It’s karma. After all, I’m stealing Clarissa away from Bill. At least that’s what Bill thinks, judging from her scowling face whenever she sees me in their study” she went on, laughing and groaning. “Gosh, I’ve never seen anyone so ridiculously jealous. It’s disturbing, really. I’ll have to bring some boy from town and kiss him in front of her just to reassure her there’s nothing to be jealous about.”

Mary Lou was confused. What did boys and kissing have to do with any of it?

Alicia snorted.  
“Better you than me”

Betty laughed and turned towards Mary Lou.  
“You should do the same, to reassure me you and Alicia aren’t – “She began, teasingly, and then stopped abruptly at the look on Alicia’s face. Mary Lou was really confused now. Do the same? Same of what, kiss a boy? To reassure Betty of what? 

Betty’s eyes widened, and something that looked like a realization dawned on her face, but realization of what, Mary Lou didn’t know.

“Oh! I mean – are you?” she asked, her eyes wide, looking at Alicia, then at Mary Lou, then back at Alicia again. She let out a laugh, and shook her head. “Gosh, how silly of me, of course you are! How did I not realize before? Why else would you have a picture – “

“Betty, no, we’re not!” snapped Alicia. There was a look of slight panic on her face, her eyes flashing at Betty, practically screaming shut up!

Betty covered her mouth and fell silent. Alicia looked like she wanted to throttle her. Mary Lou wondered what on earth was going on. 

After that, there was more silence.

As soon as Betty left, Mary Lou spoke up.  
“Alicia?”

“Mmm?”

“What was Betty talking about?”

Alicia was silent for a few seconds before laughing. Mary Lou thought she could detect a slight uncomfortable undertone in her laugh.

“God, who knows. I don’t know what she’s talking about half the time”

“Oh.” 

Silence.

Mary Lou got up.

“I’m just going to the bathroom” she said. Alicia nodded and got up as well.

“It’s almost time for supper, anyway. I’ll head down to the dining hall”

“All right, I’ll see you there” replied Mary Lou.

She felt somewhat down in the dumps as she walked towards the bathroom. She felt as though Betty had created an awkwardness in the air between Alicia and herself. She didn’t understand what she could have possibly meant, though. What was it she had thought Alicia and her were, exactly?


	3. Chapter 3

Daphne looked at her watch and sighed. In half an hour she had to meet up with Mussolini/Moira to write more of the essay. She groaned at this realization; they had never been friends, but the last encounters she'd had with the domineering girl had been scented with a feeling closely resembling intense hatred. The arguments had just kept escalating more and more each time they worked together. It was as though something was waiting to explode, and Daphne was terrified of whatever that was. Probably a slap to Moira’s face – that would be satisfying. Or maybe the pulling of one of Daphne’s perfectly arranged curls – that would be dreadful.

She looked out of the window. It had stopped raining, so she decided to take a stroll in the grounds until it was the dreaded essay time. 

The air was cold, and had that dampness to it that Daphne loved. She loved cloudy, rainy, damp days; not just because it gave her the excuse of cosying up with a good cup of tea and escape from outdoor games she so very much detested – how could the girls like them so much? – but because they made her feel calm, almost at peace. She looked around to make sure there was nobody near and stopped under her favourite tree, the one furthest away from the school, a willow whose leaves almost reached the ground, hiding her from view. She felt a few drops fall from the branches on her curly golden hair as she stood under it, and took a cigarette and a match out of her pocket. 

It was risky – if any of the mistresses saw her she could definitely be expelled, or at least punished – but worth it. Daphne was not in the least addicted – she only did this occasionally. But on nostalgic, cloudy, poetic days like this, with the pitter patter of raindrops falling from leaves onto grass, she craved the inhaling exhaling of the silvery smoke. Most of the school rules were ridiculous, anyway. And its values. Daphne could scream at Miss Greyling’s speech of “good, sound, reliable women for the world to lean on”. It sounded so boring, so utterly subjective – as if the only good women were the ones the school considered good women.

It wasn’t only the school; the whole world seemed to be insanely rigid in its rules and values. What’s right for someone might not be right for someone else, thought Daphne. It made no sense to her, the way everyone seemed to see everything as white or black when life was so full of greys. 

She stood there for some time, lost in her thoughts.

“Well, well, what have we here” 

The smooth voice behind her made her jump, and she turned to face Alicia, her face contorted into mock shock. Then she grinned. “Relax, I came to do the exact same thing. It’s the only place you can smoke a cigarette in peace without anyone seeing you”.

Daphne rolled her eyes, smiling slightly. She had mixed feelings about Alicia. On one hand, she couldn’t help finding her funny and amusingly quick-witted, but on the other hand, she really, really disliked her sharp, unforgiving tongue, and her inability to accept and have patience towards others. She found her to be extremely close-minded; then again, Daphne found most people in the school to be close-minded.

“Here and behind the stables.” Alicia added, after lighting her cigarette. There was something in her voice which made Daphne look up sharply. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Alicia gave a small chuckle.

“Nothing. Christ, calm down.”

Daphne stared suspiciously, took a last drag and stamped the cigarette out with her foot.

“See you later” she said curtly, turning to go.

“Hey, wait…” Alicia protested mildly, but it was too late. Daphne had already hurried off, annoyed and slightly embarrassed.

Typical Alicia. It was a blatant jab, maybe even some kind of blackmail (though for what reason Daphne didn’t know). An incident had happened only last week; she and Pamela Anderson, a girl from the south tower, had bumped into Bill and Clarissa, who, like them, had chosen the stables as the place for a rendezvous – Bill and Clarissa wouldn’t stop staring at her since that day, with an irritating mixture of disbelief and amusement.

They had probably told Alicia about it, and that’s why she mentioned the stables. Or maybe she was being paranoid. After all, Bill and Alicia weren’t such close friends, to her knowledge.  
Maybe it was actually some sort of indecent proposal from Alicia. Daphne laughed at the thought; Alicia was attractive, certainly, in a tall, lean, smug kind of way, but she couldn’t imagine doing anything of the sort with her. Also, Mary-Lou had an obvious crush on her (for reasons that baffled Daphne, but who was she to judge) and although Daphne had stolen many things in her life she would never steal someone else’s fish in the sea, let alone her best friend’s fish.

Pamela Anderson hadn’t spoken to her since that day in the stables; she had been mortified at having been caught. Not that Daphne minded, really; she wasn’t exactly the romantic type. Most of her adventurous, “romantic” liaisons had been just that, a quick feel in the dark, a quick tangle of limbs behind a wall. Then no speaking about it.   
Dumb blondes were never really to be taken seriously, after all.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“That’s not right. It’s not what I said. Scratch it and start over” snapped Moira, her no-nonsense, dictatorial voice, making Daphne’s teeth grit in exasperation and annoyance.

“I worked all night on this page. I’m not rewriting, I see nothing wrong with it.” The blonde fired back, blowing her curls out of her face. She knew it would be easier to just give up on trying to defend her own ideas and just go along with what Moira thought was best – after all, it wasn’t like Daphne really cared about the stupid essay; as long as she got a decent mark she didn’t really care. It was hard though, to just sit by and obey Mussolini; Daphne hated obeying orders. (well, in most situations). 

They had spent the last few weeks this way, arguing over everything, never coming to agreements. Daphne was exhausted; she wished she could have gotten anyone else. Working with Moira was pure torture.  
“I don’t care and you will” said Moira in a definitive manner. “Everything you do is badly written and doesn’t work. It would be easier to just do it myself, but it wouldn’t be fair and I’d have to tell miss Cox I did all the work. Start rewriting, Turner.”

Why Moira insisted on calling her by the surname Daphne didn’t know. Probably to feel like a teacher reprimanding her student, after all, Moira surely loved imagining herself in positions of power.  
Daphne threw down her pen and crossed her arms, glaring at the other girl in indignation.

“No.”

Moira stared at Daphne derisively, as though she was a toddler throwing a tantrum. Then she reached out and, to Daphne’s dismay, ripped her page up into pieces. She stared in disbelief, her mouth open in indignation.

“Write. Now.” 

She turned back to the books and continued her research. 

They were silent for a few minutes, Moira calmly reading, Daphne glaring at her with her mouth open. Then she stood up.

“You…you…beast! I spent all night on that page!”

Moira snorted.

“Judgning by the quality of your handwriting and the various stupid spelling mistakes, I highly doubt it. It looks as though you wrote it in a hurry and then scurried off to do…I don’t know…your hair, or any other superficial, frivulous activity.” 

Daphne snorted in exasperation. Seriously, Moira was the incarnation of the negative things of Malory Towers. All uptight, close minded, self-righteous nonsense was all that ever came out of her mouth, with those continuous looks of judgement and disapproval. 

Then again, although Daphne would never in a million years admit this, the girl had a point – she hadn’t spent “all night” on the page, as she claimed. More around an hour, give or take. Oh, all right. Twenty minutes. Maybe fifteen.

She couldn’t help it, she just didn’t care about schoolwork. She cared enough to just scrape by, but she just couldn’t understand the desire some girls had to be top of the class. Having good marks had never given her any benefits, but her golden hair and pretty face always had. Sure, Daphne cared about her looks. Why was that a bad thing? It helped her get out of many an uncomfortable situation. All she had to do when she found herself caught in a “pickle”, as her father would say, was was turn on her charming smile and bat her eyelashes; it had certainly worked last summer, when her father caught her kissing the daughter of one of his friends. 

“It was just practice, Daddy, all girls do it. How else am I supposed to know what to do when a boy kisses me?” she had simpered, her blue eyes wide and innocent, purposely emphasizing the word boy, sighing in false reverence.

Ha. As if.

Daphne had, for some time, known exactly what she was. She had known there was something wrong with her when the boys had begun chasing her as soon as she started blossoming and she felt no attraction whatsoever towards any of them. Then, she started watching the likes of Amanda Chartelow and Bill and even Darrell playing games, their tomboyish yet still womanly strength as they threw a ball or swung a racket, and she knew she was doomed; her attraction to other girls – specifically strong, dominating, ball-throwing girls – was painfully apparent. 

This realization threw her off somewhat, as she had always assumed she would marry a rich millionaire male, and bask in luxuries of all sorts and never have to even think about stealing again. After all, with her looks, that was what everyone secretly assumed; she realized this when teachers (especially the less strict ones) wouldn’t push her half as hard as, say, Mary-Lou, or Darrell, or Sally, or even Gwendoline, because let’s face it, with her looks, she’ll probably marry rich. Of course, she had never heard any of them utter such a thing, but Daphne could tell they thought it. Her mother definitely did, even when she was a little girl, dolling Daphne up in the best clothes they could afford and perfecting her golden ringlets. Daphne felt a surge of guilt; the possibility of her marrying a rich man was one of her poor parents only hope.   
It’s why, she supposed, she had started to steal, when she was younger; she knew, deep down, she could never bear to marry any man who could shower her and her family with luxuries, so she decided she would get them herself – only, of course, not in the best way. It was also the reason why, around that time, she spoke so ill of the girls she felt that surge of attraction towards – spitefully, maliciously whispering to Gwendoline how unfeminine they were, how ungainly, how unlike her. And to be honest, she still thought the same things, sometimes, and often thought to herself how she could be so attracted to those girls. 

Yet she was. 

It was as though life was laughing at her, giving her all those good looks and then no interest whatsoever in rich, handsome men.

She had been paired her up with Moira/Mussolini to write a bloody essay, so that was definite proof that life was laughing at her.

She stood up, a look of indignation still etched across her face and threw her pen on the floor. 

“That’s it. I’m not putting up with you anymore.” She announced, and marched towards the door. 

“Fine. I’ll tell Miss Cox I did everything, then” she heard Moira say as she stormed out. 

She didn’t think of herself as an impatient, short-tempered person, but honestly, Moira could test anyone’s limits. Ripping up her hard (all right, maybe not so hard) work! Who did she think she was? She stomped down the corridor, fuming.

“I hate her!!!” she burst out as soon as she got to her study, practically spitting all over poor Mary-Lou in her rage. Mary-Lou jumped and looked reproachfully at her best friend.

“You shouldn’t say that, Daphne. It’s not good to hate”

Daphne rolled her eyes. “Mary-Lou, unfortunately not all of us have a heart of gold like you do”, she sighed, falling down on the armchair. “She ripped up what I had written. Can you believe that? And she said if I didn’t write it again and better and do more work she would tell Miss Cox she did the whole thing herself. Beast.”

Mary-Lou sat beside her and gave her a sympathetic pat on the arm. 

“I’m sorry. But you don’t want Miss Cox failing you. I think you should try and put up with her. Try and charm her like you charm everyone else!” she nudged her. 

Daphne snorted. “She can’t be charmed. She’s uncharmable.” 

“That’s a new word” Mary-Lou giggled. “I bet you can charm her. You can charm anyone! You just have to figure out a way. Well, maybe pull your weight a bit and do some work.”

Daphne smiled at her friend. “You make it sound so simple, but it’s hard to pull your weight with someone who continually says you’re stupid and what you do isn’t good. But I suppose you’re right”, she sighed “I do need a decent mark.”

It calmed her, talking to little Mary-Lou, and made her see sense. She smiled affectionately at her friend.

“So how’s your essay going, with Alicia?” 

She suppressed a grin as Mary-Lou blushed. Honestly, Mary-Lou was so transparent. At least, she was to Daphne; to her own self, she seemed to remain a mystery, not knowing what her own feelings meant. It was so obvious, she thought, as she listened to Mary-Lou gush about Alicia taking her photograph. “Don’t tell anyone, but she has a camera. She took a picture of me, then a picture of us both. She’s going to have it revealed next week…” 

Daphne raised her eyebrows but said nothing. Let Mary-Lou figure it out for herself.


	4. Chapter 4

Mary Lou felt somewhat down in the dumps as she left Alicia’s study that evening and walked towards the bathroom. She felt as though Betty had created an awkwardness in the air between Alicia and herself, although she didn’t know why. She didn’t understand what she could have possibly meant, though. What was it she had thought Alicia and her were, exactly? Had Mary-Lou said or done something wrong?

She sighed. She was probably overthinking this, but Alicia had seemed so awkward after that conversation – and Alicia was never awkward. She was always so confident, and smooth, and her sharp tongue always knew exactly how to deflate any uncomfortable moment – and yet she hadn’t been able to deflate whatever that had been with Betty.

She went in the bathroom just as Darrell was coming out, and smiled at her in passing. Darrell smiled back.

“Better hurry, or Mam’zelle’ll have a fit! You know what cook’s like when we’re late for tea and the food gets cold”, laughed Darrell.

Mary-Lou nodded, laughing, and as she looked at Darrell, she realized what she now was feeling for Alicia was the same thing she felt for Darrell, back in first year. Why couldn’t she put her finger on what that feeling was? Admiration? No, it wasn’t just that; she certainly still admired Darrell, but this was another feeling. It was a sort of nervousness, a special yearning to be liked. Not liked, _wanted_.

That nervousness with Darrell had dissipated over time, and was much Mary-Lou felt it much stronger now with Alicia than it had ever been with Darrell; maybe intensified by Alicia’s personality and that sharp tongue that made her especially nervy. It was a nervousness accompanied by a kind of heat inside her, a heat that made her jump whenever the other girl appeared.

She was so lost in her own thoughts, she hardly noticed Clarissa coming out of the cubicle to wash her hands.

“Say, Mary-Lou, you remind me of Daphne, looking dreamily at your reflection like that!” said the red-head, in a teasing tone. Mary-Lou blinked, suddenly snapping out of it, and turned to face Clarissa, who was grinning at her with a slightly bewildered expression. Mary-Lou laughed, shaking her head. She hadn’t even noticed she had been staring at herself in the mirror for the past five minutes.

“Sorry, I was lost in thought”, replied Mary-Lou, smiling.

“You know, the other day, I caught Daphne making kissing faces in front of the mirror. I nearly died laughing”, giggled Clarissa.

“Oh…yes, she does do that”, laughed Mary-Lou, fondly. “She only jokes around when she does that, though”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure it’s just joking around! She’s in love with herself, that girl”, Clarissa shook her head, laughing. “Mind you, if I had her looks, I’d probably blow kisses at my reflection, too.”

Mary-Lou nodded. “She _is_ awfully pretty. I bet she’ll marry a prince or something”. Her eyes became slightly dreamy, imagining going to her best friend’s royal wedding. She was pretty sure that would be Daphne’s dream future. She expected Clarissa to agree or nod, but she just became silent, her eyebrows raised like she knew something about Daphne that Mary-Lou didn’t.

“Maybe so”, she said at last, sounding completely unconvinced. “Anyway, I’ll see you in the dining hall, Mary-Lou!” with that, she went off cheerfully, leaving Mary-Lou on her own, slightly bewildered.

What was going _on_ with everyone? Every single conversation she had with anyone lately just confused her. It was all so weird. She remembered what Betty had said about kissing a boy in front of Bill so she would “see she had nothing to worry about”. What on earth had she meant by _that_? And what had she thought Alicia and her _were_? Maybe she thought they had become best friends now – but what had kissing boys to do with any of it?

I don’t want to kiss any boy, thought Mary-Lou. I wonder if that’s weird. Then again, she probably would someday; it’s just what was done. She had never really thought about it much.

She pondered over the matter for a while, and then realized she was staring at her reflection, lost in her thoughts again. She went inside a cubicle and locked the door behind her. She was about to sit when suddenly, everything went dark.

Pitch black dark.

She swallowed, hard, as fear took over her, feeling the darkness and the confinement of the small cubicle take over her heartbeat and her breathing, compressing her chest.

_It’s alright_, she told herself. _Just get out. It’s just darkness, don’t be daft. _

She fumbled with the lock, but it was stuck.

She felt her breath hitch, and suddenly she couldn’t breathe. She felt herself freeze up, like she always did, and that familiar wave of horror invade her body and mind. She remembered Alicia’s scornful look when she had told her that her biggest fear was the dark, and told herself to calm down. But she couldn’t; she was getting more and more panicky by the second, knowing at any moment those awful memories would start. 

“Help”, she cried out, banging at the door. No one could hear her; she was alone.

_“Be a good girl and stay still.”_

No. She closed her eyes and grabbed her head, trying to block the voice inside it, trying to block the memories.

_Stop it. He isn’t here. This isn’t your room, _she told herself.

But she still couldn’t breathe, and she began to shake.

She could feel his hands. His big, strong, monstrous hands, all over.

_“Behave. Be quiet.”_

She began to sob, desperately tugging at the lock.

_“Don’t make a sound.”_

“Please, help” she gasped, banging weakly.

Suddenly she heard a voice; a different voice, not the one inside her head; not _his_ voice. It sounded far away. She saw a dim, yellow light glowing through under the door.

“Mary Lou?! Mary Lou, where are you?”

It was Alicia.

Alicia had almost reached the dining hall when the power had gone off. She had grinned as she heard the girls’ cries of surprise and giggles. It was a good thing she always carried a small flashlight in her pocket. She had just thought about going in and sneaking up behind them, when she suddenly stopped.

Mary-Lou. She was probably still in the bathroom.

She had stood still, wondering what to do. After all, it was just a power cut. May-Lou was silly, really, to be scared of the dark. She was seventeen years old, for crying out loud. But still – she had felt as though she really ought to go and see if she was all right. The soft spot she had for the girl had taken over, and she had turned on her heel and walked straight back towards the bathroom. _She might not even be there anymore, she might be in the dining hall with Mam’zelle telling her to “not be scared, mon cherie”_, she had thought. But there was no harm in making sure.

She had reached the bathroom, and surely enough, she had heard someone banging on a cubicle door, and she knew it was Mary-Lou.

Mary-Lou, despite her state of panic, felt a surge of relief as she heard the other girl’s voice.

“Help”, she cried.

“Mary Lou, open the door. It’s all right, the power cut off, that’s all”, said Alicia.  
  
“I can’t – I can’t…it’s stuck…” Mary-Lou gasped for air, cold sweat dripping down her forehead.

She felt Alicia tugging at the door, but to no avail. Then, suddenly, she saw an arm through the gap between the door and the floor.

“Mary Lou, grab my hand. Listen to me. Breathe” commanded Alicia’s voice firmly, gently.

“I can’t…” gasped Mary-Lou.

“Yes, you can. Relax. I’m here, it’s all right. Breathe. It’s just dark.”

Mary Lou took gulps of air, her breathing slowing down slightly.

“That’s right. Now listen to me. The lock’s only jamming because you’re panicking. Take a breath and try again, slowly”

Mary Lou took a deep breath and, with shaking hands, finally managed to slide open the lock.

She opened the door and was finally out, gasping, tears streaming down her face.

She half-expected Alicia to laugh, or snort scornfully, but she didn’t. She looked at her crying face, her big, scared eyes and the cold sweat on her skin with concern. Her tears weren’t like Gwendoline’s infuriating sniveling. This was different from any other time she’d seen Mary Lou being frightened of something; the girl looked like she was having an attack of sorts.

Alicia then did something uncharacteristic of her; she instinctively pulled her towards her into a firm embrace and held her tightly, stroking her hair. She felt the smaller girl relax slowly, as she murmured comforting words into her ear.

“It’s all right”, she whispered.

“I’m sorry- It’s so silly, I know, but I just -” began Mary Lou, gasping between sobs.

“Don’t”, said Alicia, kissing her hair. “Don’t speak, just breathe.”

“I just – you don’t understand – the dark, it…”

Alicia hugged her tighter, before letting go and peering at her face, her eyes filled with worry and concern.

“I rushed here when the power went off – I knew you’d be scared, but I didn’t think you’d be like this…” she trailed off, cupping Mary Lou’s wet face and wiping away the tears with her thumbs.

Mary Lou rested her face against the taller girl’s hands, breathing deeply. When she finally spoke, Alicia could barely hear her.

“My stepfather, he…” Mary Lou gulped, closing her eyes. She looked as though she was in such pain it broke Alicia’s heart. “He did some awful things in the dark…it brings back awful memories.”

Alicia’s heart sank.

“Oh, Mary Lou” she whispered, holding her close again. They stood that way for a while, Mary Lou resting against Alicia’s arms, which were holding her up so she wouldn’t buckle.

* * *

Despite Moira’s threats, she didn’t say anything to Miss Cox, no matter how annoyed she was with Daphne. She had her flaws, and she recognized them, but she wasn’t a sneak. She had just about been managing to get in her form’s good books after acting like a complete dictator last year – not that she was popular now, exactly, but at least she wasn´t _completely_ despised – and she knew sneaking on Daphne would definitely spoil that.

She was just so _frustrating_, she thought, and she seemed determined to act like an airheaded bimbo even though Moira could tell she was not dumb. She could certainly be a clever, cunning little brat when she wanted to be. Like right now; while everyone else was busy working in pairs, continuing with their essay in the classroom, the sly wretch had actually gone up to Miss Fox herself, with a simpering smile and batting her eyelashes, to say how very sorry she was, and that she felt so terrible, but she felt that she hadn´t contributed as much as she had wanted to so far for the essay. Moira, who was sitting in the row nearest the teacher’s desk, could hear everything, and was listening intently with a look of disbelief on her face.

“My last school was quite poor, and I just never quite got used to the level of education here – although I know that’s no excuse”, she sighed prettily, her smile sweet and pathetic at the same time. It amazed Moira how much that hellion could convey with that fake smile, it was quite ridiculous really.

“I feel so bad, because I feel like I'm dragging poor Moira down with me, Miss Cox. I think I just get so intimidated by her, she’s so clever.”

To Moira’s disbelief, Miss Cox seemed to be lapping it all up, looking at Daphne with sympathy and warmth.

“It's very good and brave of you to be so honest, Daphne. It shows you are not only concerned about the essay and your grade, but also your partner’s. I know you have some struggles with grammar and writing, but you’re obviously trying your best, and I appreciate that. Has Moira been helping you at all?” said Miss Cox, looking at Moira.

Oh, lord, here we go, thought Moira, refraining from rolling her eyes at the absurdity of it all.

“Oh, Moira’s been so nice, but she’s written almost all of it, so far…that’s what makes me feel so terrible” Daphne paused, wondering if she should make her voice crack a bit, but finally deciding that would be pushing it slightly. “I can’t blame her for having no patience with me, though, she says everything I try to contribute to the essay isn’t good. I’m not very bright, and she’s so clever at writing so…I suppose it makes sense she’d lose patience and decide to just do it herself” she finished, shrugging in a sweetly resigned manner.

Miss Cox made a tutting sound and turned to Moira.

“Moira, could you come for a moment, please”

Moira groaned inwardly, and Daphne’s eyes widened in fake dismay.

“Oh, please don’t scold Moira, Miss Cox! It’s bad enough she’s had to do everything herself because I’m so useless – it’s hardly her fault I’m so soft-brained.”

Daphne made her voice go thin and meek as she said this, and looked down at her feet as if she was so ashamed of herself she couldn’t bear it.

She also looked down, partly, to hide her triumphant smile. That would show Mussolini to threaten Daphne with telling on her.

Miss Cox looked at Daphne sympathetically.

“Don’t worry, Daphne, I just want to speak to her, that’s all. Thank you for being so honest with me about your situation.”

Moira heard a subtle snort behind her, and she knew Alicia’s sharp ears were listening to what was going on.

“Thank you for being so understanding, Miss Cox. I promise, I’ll continue to try my best” replied Daphne, and with one last sweet, pathetic, humble smile, she turned her back on the teacher and walked back to her desk, giving Moira a cold, triumphant smirk as she walked past her.

Moira walked towards Miss Cox, shooting daggers at the blonde girl with her stare. Miss Cox looked rather gravely at Moira.

“You should be kínder to Daphne, Moira. She struggles with writing and grammar, and this assignment isn’t easy for her. You should try helping her instead of putting her down by saying what she tries to write isn’t good”

“Well, it _isn’t _good…” began Moira, anger and frustration evident in her voice.

“Well, you could try by giving her constructive critisism and suggestions on how to write better. A strong character should try to help those less capable. After all, this is supposed to be a team effort”

“But she…” Moira stopped herself. How could she complain without looking like she was telling tales? “I’m sure she would do better if she put in some more effort” she finished.

Miss Cox sighed.

“She does seem to be trying to put effort in. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t have come up to me concerned about not only the essay, but about you. She feels like you’re doing all the work, and obviously feels bad about that. Why else would she have said anything if she didn’t?”

_Because she’s a sly brat and wanted to one-up me, that’s why_, thought Moira, but said nothing.

“Be more patient with her, that’s all. Listen to her contributions, and teach her how to make those contributions better. That’s what teamwork is all about” smiled Miss Cox, clasping her hands together.

Moira wanted to say she much preferred the traditional individual assignments the other teacher’s gave them to Miss Cox’s liberal ideas involving “teamwork” and “figuring things out together”, but had to conform herself by biting her tongue, gritting her teeth, and simply saying:

“Yes, Miss Cox.”

She walked back to her desk, still shooting daggers at the smug but still forcing herself to look humble blonde.

“I can’t believe you” she hissed.

Daphne widened her blue eyes, looking like innocence itself.

“I just felt concerned for the essay. And for _you_, of course. Poor old thing, having to do everything because I’m so dumb” she sighed in mock sadness, a sly glint of triumph in her eyes.

“Well, you’ve just demonstrated you’re certainly very clever when you want to be” snapped Moira.

Daphne smiled her sickly sweet smile again.

“Oh, Moira dear, that’s so kind of you to say” she simpered, batting her eyelashes at her. Moira scowled.

Alicia gave another snort behind her. They turned around to face her grinning face.

“I don’t see the amusement in it, myself” snapped Moira. Alicia laughed openly.

“Oh, lighten up, old thing. You should have known, really, there’s nothing you can do against Daphne’s charming smile powers” said Alicia, her voice smooth and wicked as ever.

Daphne smiled her sweet smile wider as if to prove that point.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘charming’” snorted Moira, rolling her eyes.

“It doesn’t work on dictators” shot back Daphne, “only on teachers.”

“And on some girls” added Alicia wickedly, “especially behind the stables, I should think”.

Daphne’s smile vanished and she suddenly went red, and scowled at Alicia. Bill, from the desk about a meter beside Alicia’s and Mary-Lou’s, shot Alicia a disbelieving, ‘why did you have to say that’ sort of look. Honestly, was there anyone in the classroom not listening in to their dispute? And what was Alicia talking about, behind the stables?

Whatever it was, it had obviously annoyed and embarrassed Daphne a great deal, so Moira smirked as if she knew what Alicia was on about, just to annoy her some more. It seemed to work, and it also seemed to make her flustered for some reason. Alicia looked like a kid greatly entertained by something at a movie theatre; she was about to add something else when Miss Cox suddenly looked sternly their way.

“Please only talk with your work partner, girls.”

* * *

The bell rang, and Daphne stood up, looking as calm as she could on the outside but fuming on the inside. She had been in such a good mood, as well, after giving Mussolini what she deserved. That beastly Alicia. Why was she taunting her like this?

At least now she knew how she knew. The look in Bill’s face had given it all away. So she had told her. Bloody tattletale. She wondered how many of the others knew. Moira did too, apparently; how Daphne had wanted to wipe that stupid smirk of her stupid face. She didn’t know how Moira possibly knew, of all people; she was hardly friends with any of them. Then again, Alicia had probably told her, just to stir things up as she always did when she was bored.

She ignored Mary-Lou’s “wait for me!”, and stomped angrily towards the door. She felt guilty, considering Mary-Lou looked rather down that morning, but she was in no mood to chat; she was too angry with Alicia, who was now rushing after her, a big grin on her face.

“Hey - “

“Get lost”, growled Daphne.

“Why so snappy? I think Moira’s rubbing off on you” laughed Alicia, skipping merrily beside her.

God, she was so annoying. Daphne ignored her and kept on walking as fast-paced as she could, out of the building and into the school grounds. It wasn’t easy out-walking Alicia, however, considering all the sport she did. Daphne cursed herself for not exercising more often. She had always thought she didn’t need to, considering her naturally slim figure; but now, seeing Alicia effortlessly tag along with a grin and without getting even a little bit out of breath, she thought to herself she should really at least go for a brisk walk every day.

“I just want to ask you something” insisted Alicia, cutting across the now slightly out of breath blonde.

“I don’t want to talk to you” snapped Daphne, angrily blowing her curls out of her face. “I don’t care what you have to ask me”

“Listen…I just want to know…” Alicia ran her fingers through her hair, casually yet still somewhat nervously. Daphne felt suddenly curious, despite her anger. She had never seen anything remotely resembling nerves from the confident, cocksure Alicia before.

“Is Mary-Lou like you?” she asked, her voice low.

Daphne stared, narrowing her eyes, and crossed her arms.

“What do you mean, ‘like me’?” she snapped.

Alicia clicked her toungue impatiently.

“You know.”

Daphne suddenly realized what she was talking about and smirked, enjoying the bit of power she now held over the other girl. She really seemed to want to know if Mary-Lou liked girls. Well, she would just have to keep wondering.

She cocked her head to one side, pretending to think really hard.

“Hmmm. Let’s see. Looks-wise…not at all, really. My hair’s curly and blonde, she’s a light brunette with straight hair. I have blue eyes, she has brown…but unless you’ve suddenly gone blind, you can probably see all these things for yourself. Maybe you mean more in terms of personality…”

Alicia snorted and rolled her eyes.

“Don’t act daft, you know what I mean.”

“Actually, I don’t. And if I did, I wouldn’t tell _you_. She’s my best friend and I wouldn’t want you using her personal life as something to taunt her with as you did just now with me, you pig”, she snarled, shoving past her. 

She heard Alicia calling out something, but Daphne stuck her fingers in her ears and started running, determined to get away from Alicia. Maybe a slight immature and overdramatic reaction, but she wasn’t going to give the girl any information about her best friend. For one thing, Mary-Lou hadn’t even figured it out herself. And for another, Daphne was certain she didn’t want someone like _that_ for sweet little Mary-Lou.

She suddenly bumped into Bill and Clarissa, who looked at her in amazement.

“Daphne – you’re running”, exclaimed Bill, looking positively shocked at the sight.

“Well spotted” snapped Daphne. She really was snappy; maybe Alicia was right and Mussolini was rubbing off on her. Then again she had every right to be angry with Bill, as well, for spreading gossip about her life.

“Daphne”, began Bill, looking awkward. “I’m dreadfully sorry about Alicia just now. Please believe me, I didn’t tell her. Neither did Clarissa. We’d be dreadful hypocrites if we did – I mean, we wouldn’t like our business being talked about, either”

“It was an accident”, Clarissa added, looking sorry. “Bill and I were talking about it in the grounds one afternoon – we thought there was no one near us, but it turns out Alicia was behind a tree...kind of inside it, actually, this weeping willow with leaves right to the floor…she was smoking actually, I was quite shocked…”

Bill smiled fondly at Clarissa’s moment of piousness and continued,

“Anyway, she Heard us…I made her promise not to say anything, and she said she wouldn’t. I kind of assumed she wouldn’t, really, considering she’s also…well…”

“A dyke” finished Daphne promptly, rolling her eyes at Clarissa’s shocked little gasp. Really, considering she was a lesbian herself, she shouldn’t be so scandalized by a little slur like that, she thought to herself.

“Don’t say that word”, protested Clarissa, reproachfully. “Why, I’m sure _you_ wouldn’t like being called…that”.

“Well, I don’t like her, and I’m a lesbian myself as you now know, so I’m allowed to call her any slur I like” said Daphne, sticking out her chin defiantly.

“I’m not sure that’s how it works…” said Bill, looking disturbed and confused.

“Ugh, listen, just don’t tell anyone else. Bloody Mussolini even seems to know” sighed Daphne.

Bill and Clarissa looked at her, more confused than ever. Daphne waved her hand impatiently.

“Oh, forget it. Anyway, excuse me, I have homework to do”.

She shoved past them and walked inside the building, still fuming at Alicia. She didn’t know why it flustered her so much that Moira seemed to know, but it did. It wasn’t just that the other girl now probably had something to attack her with, but also – she sighed exasperatedly - she had to admit it to herself; she was attracted to Moira, physically speaking. She couldn’t help it; the horrid beast embodied everything she was attracted to. A strong, dark, tall, take-charge tomboy. Even worse, a stylish tomboy, a classy tomboy. She was a rare species, a species that drove Daphne, physically speaking, crazy.

She shook her head. It doesn’t matter how attractive she is, she’s still a bloody dictatorial bitch, she scolded herself. It didn’t make her hate her any less.

* * *

**A/N: I thought I'd lighten up the angsty start with a bit of comedic relief from Daphne and Moira lol. Thanks for the lovely comments! I hope you liked this chapter, please review! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

The next time Daphne saw Moira again to continue with their work, she was surprised that there was no mention of what Alicia had said. She had braced herself before going to Moira’s study, expecting a jab, an attack, some sort of blackmail or threat – but the other girl hadn’t, so far, uttered a word about it. She certainly uttered many scathing words about her terrible writing, as usual, and was even snappier at her than normal, which was to be expected after the whole ordeal with Miss Cox.

“You know, it’s interesting, you seem to know ‘tomorrow’ is spelled with two ‘r’s’ in one sentence, and then you seem to magically forget in the next. Almost as if you put no actual effort or thought into what you were writing. How strange” commented Moira dryly.

Usually, even though it was exasperating, Daphne found arguing with Mussolini fairly entertaining, but today she felt she just didn’t have the energy for it. She was worried about Mary-Lou, for one thing. She seemed to be forever lost in her thoughts, whatever they might be, and Daphne was certain something had happened between her and that wretch of an Alicia that had embarrassed her or made her feel awkward. She had tried asking her, gently if she was all right, and all Mary-Lou said was “it’s nothing, I’m just confused, and I don’t know why…I don’t understand what’s going on with me”.

Daphne had tried to coax her best friend into telling her some more, but she understood that if Mary-Lou didn’t even know herself what was going on inside her, she could hardly be expected to talk about it. Maybe it was for the best if she didn’t know, at least for now; she would discover it on her own, eventually, anyway, and Daphne couldn’t bear the thought of some other insensitive Malory Towers girl like Alicia breaking her heart with that venomous tongue of hers.

For another thing, she was worried the whole school now might know she was a homosexual who had deviant sex behind the stables. She had been lucky enough to not be expelled for stealing, but she knew she would definitely get expelled for this if it got out; the other girls, the straight laced girls, wouldn’t want someone wired that way near them, and the teachers wouldn’t want those rumors going around in their school. Girls like Gwendoline would probably think Daphne would try and molest them in their sleep or something. It would be a disgrace to her poor parents; she could hardly convince her father _again_ that it all had been “just practice”.

She sighed. People were so ignorant. She wished, for the millionth time, that she lived in a future time, where things like these would hopefully, possibly, be more accepted; she was sure that eventually it would be, it was just a matter of time and progress.

“Let’s just get this over with for once and for all, all right? Sorry about Miss Cox, whatever. I was just defending myself before you went and sneaked on me”, said Daphne wearily, letting her head drop in her hands and massaging her temple.

“I wouldn’t have done that and you know it”, snapped Moira. “I’m not a sneak.”

“How should _I_ know what you would do and what you wouldn’t? You said you were going to rat me out to Miss Cox and I believed you”, shot back Daphne. “Anyway, it’s true. I’ve tried to contribute to the essay and you’ve just shot me down every single time.”

Moira gave her a withering look.

“You call _that_ a contribution? It’s even got drops of coffee splattered all over it!” She nodded towards the crumpled, dirty sheet Daphne had used to write her ‘contribution’ in. Daphne sniggered to herself, sheepishly; she did have a point.

“How long did you work on that, anyway, fifteen minutes?” Moira continued, scathingly, eyeing the poorly written, loopy, lazy handwriting and horrifying grammar. _Ten minutes_, _actually_, Daphne corrected in her head.

“An hour, if you must know”, snapped Daphne.

Moira snorted in disbelief.

“That did not take you an hour, Turner. You may have others fooled to think your poor work is because of your soft brains, but you don’t fool me, and I know it’s solely because of mediocre effort. If you put in more effort you’d produce something decent. You’re smarter than that.”

Daphne stared at her, slightly taken aback. She wasn’t quite sure if she had just been complimented or insulted. Probably both.

“Well, maybe you overestimate my intellectual capacity” shrugged Daphne, blowing her curls out of her face as she began to get truly irritated. How did she know her efforts were “mediocre”? She didn’t know her. She had no idea what her brains were like. For all she knew, they were like soft candyfloss.

“If you’re clever enough to trace cunning plans and steal without no one catching you for a long period of time, you’re clever enough to write an essay. You just use your cleverness for the wrong things”, said Moira dryly.

Daphne looked like she had just been slapped, her mouth hanging open in indignation. Then she shut it and pursed her lips.

“Well, I may have stolen in the past, but I’m still more well-liked than you ever will be. Dictator.”

They were both standing now, like two tigresses about to pounce on each other. Daphne was suddenly acutely aware of her perfectly styled curls; if they did actually get into a fight, her first instinct would be to protect her hair at all costs.

“Feather head” shot back Moira.

“Domineering beast.”

“Sly snake.”

“Mussolini.”

Moira did a bit of a double take, and stood staring at Daphne. Then, to the blonde's absolute amazement, the corners of the uptight girl's mouth began to twitch slightly. She wasn’t aware Moira actually possessed any sense of humor, so this was most astonishing to her.

“Mussolini?” repeated Moira, raising her eyebrows.

“Be grateful I don’t call you Hitler”, Daphne replied, crossing her arms defiantly.

Moira let out a snort.

“See what I mean? You’re clever enough to think of that, aren’t you?”

“All right. So you figured out I’m not, in fact, stupid. What an accomplishment for you. I suppose you’re going to tell everyone that the reason I don’t do well at school is because I couldn’t give a damn. How will I ever go on,” Daphne rolled her eyes as she said this, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I could tell Miss Cox, for a start. I also figured out something else you won’t want anyone knowing about”, began Moira, smirking.

Daphne groaned. Of course. It was only a matter of time before _that_ came up. She had never wanted to throttle anyone as much in her life as she wanted to throttle Alicia at that moment. Or Bill, or Clarissa; whoever it was that had told Moira about the stables. She should have known the beast was saving it for last, to have the final word and make Daphne plead and beg not to reveal what she knew to anyone. She would just love that, wouldn’t she, bloody sadist. Well, over her dead body; she would rather get expelled in disgrace for her ‘deviant actions’ than do _that_.

“Fine! Tell the whole school I had deviant, perverse sex with Pamela Anderson behind the stables! I DON’T CARE”, shouted Daphne, her eyes flashing, truly in a rage now. “And it wasn’t just Pamela, it was also Molly, Amanda, Billie – oh, and Bill and Clarissa have deviant sex every single day there, and I’m pretty sure Alicia has, too, and I suspect you too, actually - even though nobody would want to have anything to do with you, considering you’re such a dictatorial, domineering beast. So I find the whole thing quite hypocritical, frankly! And if you tell on me, you’re telling on them and yourself, possibly, too! Sneak. Everyone’s a bloody sneak around here!”

After she had finished ranting, she took a deep breath, her hands shaking with fury and indignation. Moira’s expression was unreadable. She stood staring at Daphne in silence for about a minute and finally, unexpectedly, let out a splutter of laughter. Daphne’s pretty face contorted into more astonishment and indignation. Astonishment due to the fact the dictator was actually _laughing, _and indignation due to the fact she was laughing at _her_.

“What on earth are you _on_ about?! I was just making a joke about how I think you may have stolen my fountain pen last week!” exclaimed Moira, her eyes gleaming with mirth and utter bemusement.

_Great_, Daphne thought to herself. She pursed her lips and stuck out her chin, determined not to show embarrassment or weakness. Moira looked at her and couldn’t help marvelling at how ridiculously attractive she was, even when she was angry. Possibly even _more_ so when she was angry; it added a great amount of personality and character to her prettiness.

“You really did – _that_ – with Pamela Anderson?” Moira’s eyes widened.

“Yes. Not that it’s any of your business” snapped Daphne, her face red as a beetroot. “And I did NOT steal your fountain pen. It’s ugly; I wouldn’t look at it twice.”

“So you’re – wow. I didn’t expect – I wouldn’t have thought –” Moira was at a loss for words.

“Like I said, it’s none of your business. Why, are you interested, or something?”

Daphne grimaced with embarrassment as soon as the words left her lips; she had meant to sound mocking, sarcastic, but it had somehow come out sounding almost hopeful. How mortifying.

Moira stared at her intently, and took a step towards her. Daphne felt her breath hitch.

“Maybe I am” replied Moira, her tone less dry than usual and more – husky, somehow.

Daphne forced herself to snort derisively.

“Well, _I’m_ not. I wouldn’t want anything to do with you if you were the only girl in the school. Dictator.”

She wasn’t sure how and at what moment she went from insulting Moira to kissing Moira furiously on the lips, but that was what happened. It was the angriest, most passionate, almost hate-filled kiss she had ever experienced. She felt her head bang into the wall as Moira pinned her up against it, devouring her neck. Daphne let out a noise something like a combination of a complaint and a moan, and spread her legs, wrapping her arms around the taller girl’s waist, pressing her against her.

_Gosh_, she thought. None of her previous deviant sex experiences had felt quite like _this_. Her perfectly styled curls were suddenly an absolute mess, but they were the last thing on her mind as Moira turned her around, rather brusquely, to face the wall. Almost instinctively, Daphne arched her back slightly, as Moira’s long fingers began quickly making their way up Daphne’s skirt.

“This is a bit short for school rules, isn’t it?” muttered Moira.

“I still hate you”, muttered Daphne, breathing heavily.

“Uh-huh” smirked Moira, grabbing the other girl’s behind roughly and nibbling her ear.

“And you’re still a dictator”, she added, and bit back a whimper as said dictator’s hand came down sharply on her behind. She then pushed the tousled blonde onto the sofa and climbed on top, smirking.

“You have no idea.”  
  


* * *

Alicia walked up herself to Mary-Lou’s study that following day, knowing the girl would probably try to avoid her after what had happened in the bathroom.

A meeker than usual Mary-Lou opened the door, and the look of shame on her face broke her heart; god knows she had nothing to feel ashamed about. She felt a sharp twinge of shame herself, for being so hard on Mary-Lou and what she had assumed all along was her “weak” personality, her tendency to be scared at everything. It had kept her up tossing and turning all night, that guilt; it turned out Mary-Lou was stronger and had lived through more horrifying things than anyone she knew, and her fear of the dark wasn’t so silly after all. She found she now respected the younger girl in a way she had never respected anyone before.

Alicia forced a smile, determined to cheer the younger girl up and make her feel at ease.

“Hullo, stranger”, she said cheerfully, walking in. “Daphne out?”

“Yes…I’m not sure where she went, I think to Moira’s study”, she replied. “She seems to be angry about something, I don’t know what’s gotten into her.”

Alicia, of course, knew perfectly well, and felt slight guilt mixed with amusement as she remembered her last encounter with Daphne. She had tried asking her about Mary-Lou; and Daphne had refused to answer; to be fair, Alicia _had_ probably crossed a line with mentioning the “behind the stables” thing, twice. She had a tendency to cross the line whenever she found something too funny to _not_ stir the pot; she hadn’t been able to help herself. She had regretted having done it, however; she might have gotten an answer out of Daphne, and she really wanted to know if Mary-Lou might have a crush on her.

Alicia had laughed at herself for even entertaining the possibility, at first; the idea of little Mary-Lou being what many people would consider a “deviant” such as herself was laughable. She had always assumed the timid girl was the kind of girl who would marry a man right after school and be a sweet mother to two children as timid and shy as herself. But spending time with her these past weeks had made Alicia wonder, especially when she would blush and stammer whenever their hands brushed.

She was always so _jumpy_ around her. Alicia had never paid much attention to it before, and had just assumed she was scared of her and her sharp tongue like she was scared of so many things. Now, she wasn’t so sure; it didn’t seem to Alicia like Mary-Lou was scared. More like nervous. Like the way you feel around a crush.

The first few times she considered this, she had shaken her head and pushed the ridiculous ideas out of her head. Then she started considering them more and more.

And then Betty, putting her foot in it, as always. Mary-Lou had seemed confused, which in turn had confused Alicia. Surely then, she had thought, she wasn’t that way after all. But then, in the bathroom, they had almost kissed. And Alicia was sure they would have, if the power hadn’t come back on at that very moment and snapped them out of it.

Alicia sat down on the sofa, and motioned at the other girl to sit next to her. Alicia wasn’t one to get nervous often, but now her palms were sweaty, and the words she wanted to say seemed to stick in her throat.

“Good. I mean, I wanted to see you alone. Because I just…” Alicia trailed off, not knowing exactly how to say what she wanted to say. She had never been good at apologizing, or showing real feelings.

Mary-Lou shook her head, wringing her hands nervously.

“Listen, about last night…please don’t tell anyone. I know it’s silly, being scared of the dark, but I can’t help it…” her voice caught in her throat slightly, and her eyes welled up. “It’s just dark, closed spaces, they remind me of stuff…bad stuff.”

Alicia’s eyes widened, shocked that Mary-Lou would even think she would tell anyone. Was she really that bad?

“Mary-Lou, I would never tell anyone. You have to know that. But it’s not - it’s not silly. I…” she ran her hands through her hair, a gesture of annoyance, annoyance at herself and her sudden inability to speak. She wasn’t used to emotional conversations. In her family, serious, emotional conversations weren’t the norm; they were considered soppy and not sensible, and, worst of all, not fun.

“I know I’m hard” she continued, “and I know I’ve made fun of you in the past for being scared of stuff…but I understand that this is real, horrible stuff. I never stopped to think what might be behind a silly fear like the dark. I’m shallow and superficial, and I don’t look beyond the surface most of the time. And – well, and I’m sorry.”

There was a moment’s silence. Finally, Mary-Lou looked up, her eyes full of tears, and smiled. Alicia looked at her and thought she had never seen a braver smile in her life.

“Although, I’m still going to make fun of you for screaming every time you see a spider or an earwig” she added, grinning.

Mary-Lou laughed between sniffs, wiping her eyes, looking grateful that the mood had been lifted slightly.

“That’s fair enough” she laughed. “Gosh, I really can’t stand them; I feel like they’re going to crawl inside me or something”.

“You’d probably need a doctor if one actually crawled inside you. That sounds like nasty business”, said Alicia, to which Mary-Lou laughed more. “It might be pleasant at first, though” she added, her eyes gleaming wickedly.

“What do you mean?” said Mary-Lou, a confused expression coming over her face, reddened by the laughter.

“Well, depends how it would crawl inside you. Probably not pleasant if through the nose, or the mouth, but if it crawled in through another way…” as she said this, Alicia looked down meaningfully between Mary-Lou’s legs, her eyebrows raised.

Mary-Lou made a sound of shock, disgust and laughter all at once.

“Alicia! What – oh, gosh” she cried, her eyes wide at the idea. “That’s awful! Oh, that’s disgusting!”

Alicia laughed at the girls shocked expression and disgusted exclaims.

“Sorry, sorry. That was gross,” she admitted.

The laughing subsided slightly.

“I’m also going to continue to laugh at your jumping out of your skin whenever I appear, or whenever I touch you”, she said, after a moment’s silence, smirking.

Mary-Lou suddenly stopped laughing completely and became flustered.

“I don’t”, she replied, unconvincingly, her voice thinner than usual.

Alicia’s heart began to beat slightly faster as she watched at the smaller girl’s reaction, and wondered whether she should drop it and change the subject or if she should push it some more.

“You do, though”, she insisted, prodding her playfully. Mary-Lou blushed at the contact, and Alicia raised her eyebrows.

“See?”

“I didn’t jump” protested Mary-Lou, her big blue eyes shifting around uncomfortably.

“You blushed, though” her playful tone was becoming less playful and more intense. She knew she should probably stop; she was making Mary-Lou uncomfortable, and it was risky territory.

“I – I don’t know why. I really don’t” Mary-Lou sounded almost desperate now, and there was confusion and worry etched all over her delicate, pale features. Alicia looked at her, confusion and what-ifs dancing around in her own head, only she was better at hiding it than Mary-Lou.

“Are you scared I’m going to crawl inside you, like the spider?” laughed Alicia, and stopped abruptly at the look of shock of the other girls face. _Damn it_. Were had that come from? Why had she said that?

“What…?” Mary-Lou trailed off, looking taken aback.

Cursing at herself, Alicia decided to quickly backtrack. She shrugged nonachantly and smiled.

“It doesn’t matter, old thing. Don’t worry about it” she forced herself to laugh and heaved herself up from the sofa. “I’ll see you later”, she added, in what she hoped was a casual voice; acting casual and nonchalant was her area of expertise, but she didn’t feel like she was pulling it off so well at the moment. She walked towards the door, yawning for an extra offhand, indifferent effect, wondering if Mary-Lou had bought her fake casualness at all.


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as she had left Mary-Lou’s study, Alicia buried her face in her hands, cursing herself and cursing her stupid, insensitive, unthinking tongue. Everyone had always called her tongue “sharp” and “quick-witted”, but right now it hadn’t been any of those things; it had just been plain stupid. 

She hadn’t even been thinking what she was saying when she made that stupid, distasteful joke; she had just tried to see how the girl would react to the insinuation of anything of the sort between them. And she had just made her more confused, and shocked and…

Suddenly, an awful thought crept in her mind. What if Mary-Lou had thought she was making light of the situation she had confessed to her in the bathroom? Alicia cursed at herself. That, of course, had been the last thing on her mind – but the ghastly possibility made her go pale as a sheet. Mary-Lou was obviously traumatized, scarred by her past, and she had to go and make a distasteful joke like that.

She stood there for a while, outside the study, pondering on what to do. Part of her just wanted to leave things as they were, afraid she might make things worse, and part of her wanted to go back immediately and hug her, apologize, explain…but explain what? Maybe, hopefully, Mary-Lou hadn’t even thought of it that way, either. She decided to walk away. It was probably better; Mary-Lou was too innocent to even know what was going on between them, let alone the possibility of acting on it.

Fortunately, Mary-Lou hadn’t thought the worst – she had just thought it a strange joke that she didn’t understand and yet a part of her, the part that recognized it was shocking, somehow did; Alicia _crawl inside her like the spider?_ What had she meant by _that_? It had a strange, forbidden undertone to it that Mary-Lou couldn’t put her finger on. It had left her terribly confused, more so than before. She sat for hours in her study, staring into space, thinking. Everything Alicia had said was going round and round in her head, and she couldn’t make sense of it, or what it was she felt. She felt like she just needed a nudge, a piece of information, and she would finally understand.

She hadn’t talked to Daphne about any of this, really; for one thing, she would have to explain the whole bathroom situation, and that would lead to having to explain about her dark past memories, which she really didn’t feel like revisiting. She already felt drained after hearing his voice again in her head that night. For another, she just couldn’t find the words to express what she felt for Alicia. She didn’t understand it, and she was sure Daphne wouldn’t, either, even though she was so open-minded and understanding.

She wondered if there was something wrong with her.

She stood up, feeling fidgety. _Speaking of Daphne_, she thought to herself, _where on earth is she?_ She looked at her watch; it was almost teatime, and Daphne could never tolerate Moira for more than an hour or so a day. It had already been about three. She frowned, wondering what could possibly be taking her so long. Moira was probably forcing Daphne to work overtime, and needed rescuing, thought Mary-Lou. And she needed some distraction from her overthinking brain, so she decided she would go and save her best friend from misery.

She made her way to Moira’s study. She reached the door, and was about to knock quietly, when she heard a muffled moan through the door.

She jumped, startled. What was going on in there?

Then she heard what sounded like a slap. Mary-Lou’s eyes widened. Were they actually having a physical _fight_?! She wouldn’t have expected the dislike the girls shared for each other could actually reach violence. The idea shocked her so much she gasped, and clamped a hand over her mouth. Surely not.

Nothing could have shocked her as much as what she saw when she looked through the keyhole.

She stood up immediately, her eyes wide like two saucers. Well, they weren’t fighting, at least.

_What? How? _

A million thoughts spun around in her head, but one particular thought stood out, like a neon light: _that_ was the missing piece to the puzzle.

* * *

Daphne walked back to her study, whistling, determined to keep a light head and trying to ignore the niggling feeling of disappointment weighing down on her chest. She had just had the best deviant sexual experience of her life. She knew she should be happy, satisfied, yet she wasn’t.

After they had finished with – their business, Moira had automatically gone back to being her cold, distant self. They had laid for a few minutes in absolute silence, staring at the roof, until Moira had cleared her throat and said “well, it’s almost teatime. I guess we should get going.”  
  
Daphne had felt a surge of disappointment, yet she didn’t know why; after all, it had just been a heated, aggressive physical encounter, nothing more. Just like Daphne usually had with other girls. What had she expected? Cuddles? Kisses? She shook her head, telling herself not to be absurd. She had never been one for cuddles herself, and Moira definitely didn’t seem like the affectionate type, so why did she now feel so…crestfallen, and used? And for the first time in her life, self-conscious?

She _had_ felt slightly used before, with other girls who just wanted some passionate, steamy physical encounters and nothing more, yet she had never really _minded_. She would just shrug it off, tell herself she was using them just as much as they were using her, and off to the next.

So why did she seem to mind so much now? She didn’t even _like_ that damn Mussolini, for crying out loud. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of these thoughts, and walked into her study.

“Hi, Mary-Lou. Sorry I took so long, Mussolini was really working me to the bone today” she lied, forcing a cheerful, carefree tone. “Ready for tea?”

Mary-Lou nodded, looking a Daphne in a way she couldn’t decipher. She looked more cheerful than she had last time she saw her, thank god, but she also looked rather…strange. And almost embarrassed, like she couldn’t quite look her friend in the eye for some reason.

“Are you all right, Mary-Lou?” she asked.

“Yes…” Mary-Lou replied, trailing off, as though not knowing how to begin. Then she shook her head, and nodded more firmly. “Yes, I am.” she smiled.

And for the first time in days, Mary-Lou was being completely honest. It was amazing how confusing some feeling were, yet they had such simple answers.

* * *

Alicia couldn’t sleep that night. She had come into the dorm slightly later than usual, so that she was sure it would be lights out as soon as she walked in and she wouldn’t have to talk to anyone, or look Mary-Lou in the eye.

She could not stop cursing at herself. Why oh why had she made that idiotic joke? She couldn’t stop thinking, either, about Mary-Lou’s dark past. She wanted to murder the sick monster that had done that to her, wanted to take all the fears he had left Mary-Lou out of her head. Although of course, that wasn’t possible. Most of all, she wanted to take back every single time she had scorned Mary-Lou for being afraid of the dark. And she wanted to take back the joke about the spider.

Feeling suffocated here in the dorm, in the bed, she decided to go down to the pool for a midnight swim; maybe that would clear her head somewhat. She grabbed her bathing suit, which she always kept under her pillow, slipped on her dressing gown and silently made her way downstairs.

There was no one at the pool, which was to be expected at this hour of night. She shrugged off her dressing gown, not noticing someone was standing behind her.

“I think I’ve figured out why I always jump around you”

Alicia jumped at the sound of the timid, low, but strangely resolute voice. She turned to see little Mary-Lou at the edge of the pool looking more nervous than ever, but also rather – determined, as though she was intent on telling Alicia something but was working up the courage to do so. The small girl laughed nervously.

“You’re the one jumping at the sight of me now” she said, in a teasing voice.

Alicia grinned despite herself, despite the crushing guilt and regret she felt. She looked at the thin, frail looking girl, with her big brown eyes and tousled hair, and the instinct to press her lips to hers and stroke her hair, her face, her – everything, was stronger than ever. Alicia, who hated soppiness, felt nothing but the urge to be soppy at that moment. She walked towards her, and without thinking about what she was doing, pulled her into a fierce embrace, as though wanting to protect her from everyone and everything.

“Mary-Lou, I’m so sorry” she said, her voice catching in a sob that took both herself and Mary-Lou aback. Alicia's voice never cracked, and she certainly never came even close to tears.

Mary-Lou pulled back, bewildered, to look at the girl.

“What are you talking about?”

Alicia shook her head, trying to compose herself.

“I just – that joke. It was so distasteful, especially after what you told me happened to you, and I could just bite my stupid tongue off”, replied Alicia, her eyes full of regret and sorrow. “I just wanted to see what you thought about the possibility of you and I – oh, I’m so insensitive it’s ridiculous”

Mary-Lou shook her head, and looked down at her feet.

“I think I understand what you meant by it now – I didn’t then, and I was just shocked, I guess, and confused. But I – if it’s what I think it means then I - like the possibility you’re talking about”

She looked up at Alicia with big, hopeful eyes.

“You do?” replied Alicia, her voice low, tentative.

“Yes…I understand now, why I – jump around you. It’s all very strange, but it’s because – “she bit her lip, hardly knowing how to continue.

After seeing Daphne and Moira, it was like a new world of possibilities had opened up before her; she hadn’t realized before such a thing was possible, to kiss another girl on the lips and do…all those other things that made Mary-Lou blush just thinking about them. But at the same time she had realized there was nothing she wanted more than for Alicia kiss like that.

“It’s because…you make me nervous. And something else too. Another feeling. And I didn’t know – I didn’t know what it was, I didn’t know what it meant…but I do now. Oh, it’s the strangest feeling! I don’t know how to talk about it, how to describe it, even though I know what it entails…” she trailed off, her voice shaking slightly.

Alicia was silent for a moment, then embraced her again, gently. She kissed her forehead and gazed at her, their faces inches away. With a steady hand – she always had a steady hand, no matter how nervous she was – she stroked her cheek. Mary-Lou visibly shuddered, and they both knew was sure this time it wasn’t provoked by fear of Alicia.

“Does the feeling entail this?” she whispered.

Mary-Lou nodded, her eyes glazed over with that unnamable feeling.  
  
Alicia, feeling bolder now, moved her face closer and kissed the small girl’s cheek, gently intertwining her fingers in her hair, smiling slightly as she heard a small gasp escape from the her lips.

“This?” she murmured, stroking her hair slowly.

“Please…” whispered Mary-Lou, hardly knowing what she was asking for.

“Please what?” murmured Alicia. She wanted so badly to kiss her, to touch her everywhere, but Mary-Lou was so innocent, and her confession loomed so horribly in her mind, and she would never forgive herself if she took advantage of the smaller girl in any way, shape or form. How could she kiss her, touch her, if Mary-Lou hadn’t known, still didn’t fully know, what it was she was feeling?

She had little time to ponder over this, however, as Mary-Lou tilted her face up and caught the slightly taller girl’s lips with her own. It was true, she didn’t know exactly what the feeling was in words, but she could _feel_ it and oh, so much. She pressed her lips against Alicia’s, hungrily, needily. Alicia pulled back slightly and cupped her face, kissing her back tentatively, slowly, as though she was afraid she would break. Mary-Lou smiled against the kiss and pulled back.

“I’m not made of crystal, you know” she whispered, and then leaned back in, forcefully, deepening the kiss. Alicia couldn’t hold back anymore and slid that sharp tongue that Mary-Lou had always been so nervous about inside her mouth, pressing her tightly against herself. 

After a while, Mary-Lou pulled away, slightly breathless.

“Had I known this was possible, I would have understood earlier”, she gasped, her eyes wide.

“What do you mean?” murmured Alicia.

“Two girls, two women. I never knew that was a possibility. I always thought there was something odd with me, but I never even considered…” she trailed off.

Alicia gazed at her thoughtfully, stroking her hair. She was silent for a while, conflicting thoughts running through her mind. Lack of responsibility and reckless impulse had always been some of her main faults, of her _many_ faults, and she knew she had to control her urges and act more responsibly with Mary-Lou than she had ever acted in her life with anything else. She was too precious, too innocent, and had been too hurt.

“I’m…scared” she murmured, at last. Mary-Lou’s eyes widened at this unexpected confession; and frowned slightly.

“What do you mean?” she whispered. “Scared of what?”

Alicia smiled gently, choosing her words carefully before she spoke – something else she wasn’t used to doing.

“Of hurting you” she replied softly. “I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for. You hardly know what these feelings you’re having are, and I’d kill myself before I take advantage of that. And you know me, I’m – rash. And impulsive, and – oh, Mary-Lou, I’m everything that’s bad for you” she sighed, looking forlorn. Her chest ached as she said this; she was pushing away a girl who made her feel things no one else ever had, a girl she wanted to hold close and not let go ever – but she had to; she had to think of Mary-Lou and what was best for her.

Mary-Lou was silent and serious for a while, and then smiled.

“Come here” she said, pulling Alicia towards the pool. She sat down beside the pool, putting her feet in the water and wincing slightly at the cold. Alicia sat beside her, and Mary-Lou rested her head on her shoulder.

“When I was little and mother wasn’t around - _that_ – it wasn’t the only thing he would do, my stepfather. He would –“ Mary-Lou swallowed. “He would lock me up in small spaces. He would hold my head underwater to punish me. It’s why I was so scared of putting my head underwater, at first…”

Alicia closed her eyes, angry at that monster who had put her through all this, and angry at herself for having made fun all those times at Mary-Lou for not going in the pool. 

“…but I got through a lot of those things. I can put my head underwater now. You helped me with that, remember?”

Alicia widened her eyes in surprise. Had she helped her? She couldn’t remember.

“Back in second year. True, you did laugh at me at first, and made me feel embarrassed,” began Mary-Lou, laughing. “But you weren’t to know. And then you helped me. You told me to hold my nose and try that way, so I did, even though I was terrified – and you would make funny faces underwater, remember? So when I went under, all I could see were your crazy faces, and I laughed so much water got in my nose- “

Mary-Lou began to giggle helplessly at the memories of Alicia cross eyed, blowing bubbles, sticking her tounge out.

“-and soon, I wasn’t thinking of him anymore, or him holding my head. I just kept going underwater over and over, just to see what ridiculous face you were pulling…and it helped. The next time I tried to swim with my head underwater, I still had some awful flashbacks, but I distracted myself by thinking of you. And your crazy faces” she smiled.

Alicia smiled, remembering now. She realized now that she had sensed, back then, that the other girl was truly scared of something, and not just getting her nose full of water. She _had_ thought her silly, which she kicked herself about now.

“So you see, you haven’t been bad for me, as you say. True, you have been insensitive at times, and I’ve felt bad at some things you’ve done, or said – but you’ve also made me laugh, and helped me so much” she finished, looking fondly at Alicia. She reached out and pushed a strand of lose hair behind her ear, gently.

“And remember when Gwendoline called me a pathetic mouse and you told her the only pathetic mouse, and an obese mouse at that, was her?” she giggled. “You’ve always defended me, even after you made fun of me.”

Alicia smiled and took her hand.

“No-one else but me is allowed to make fun of you” she teased. Mary-Lou giggled. They stayed like that for a while, hand in hand, and Alicia grew pensive and serious again.

“I wish I could kill him for what he did to you” she said at last, in a low, hate-filled voice.

Mary-Lou sighed and leaned against her. Alicia wrapped her arms around her protectively.

“Is there nothing that can be done?” she whispered. “The police –“

Mary-Lou shook her head.

“He’s long gone. I don’t even know where he could be. Mother threw him out when she walked in on him holding my head underwater once” she sighed. “She never forgave herself for not realizing before, but I can’t blame her, he never left any bruises that she could see…and I had been too scared to say anything.”

Alicia kissed the top of her head, thinking.

“Do you think…” she began, not knowing how to put what she was thinking in words. Mary-Lou looked up. “Do you think this should be the focal point of our essay? Not to judge people on their fears, for there could be jolly good reasons for them? I think it’s something everyone needs to learn. I hadn’t thought about it before, and now I feel I’ve really learned a lesson, and I’ll certainly think twice about making fun of someone for what looks like a silly fear” she finished.

Mary-Lou thought about this and nodded slowly.

“I think that’s a good idea. We could put my fear as an example – although of course, not mentioning that it’s my fear”, she replied.

They sat gazing at each other in silence, until Mary-Lou said meekly, “can we kiss again now?”

Alicia chuckled softly and pressed her lips gently against the other girl. She didn’t know if she was more good or bad for Mary-Lou, but she hoped she would learn to be all good for her. Until then, she would be cautious and make sure they took things slowly, until Mary-Lou was certain about her blossoming feelings she still couldn’t quite name.

There was one thing Alicia was sure about; Mary-Lou was good for _her_, and made her want to be a better person. She hoped with all her might she would be able to be so.

* * *

Daphne wasn’t sure how she had ended up following Moira out of the dormitory that night and into her study, but here she was; on the sofa again, on her back, her legs spread, in pure ecstasy, as she grabbed the girl’s dark hair roughly, her mouth forming a blissful “o” as her whole body shuddered.

Once the waves of ecstasy began to subside, however, that familiar twinge of emptiness filled her chest, as she knew now it was over Moira would dismiss her after a few minutes of cold, stony silence. To her dismay, the very thought of it seemed, for some reason, too much to bear at that particular moment, and brought tears to her eyes; she blinked them away furiously. Then, to her relief, she felt the other girl’s fingers, which meant it wasn’t quite over yet and she was going for a second round; however, the relief felt so pathetic and bittersweet she didn’t think she could do it any longer, or bear the emptiness that would inevitably come afterwards.

“Stop”, she whispered, so softly she didn’t really expect Moira to hear. However, she did, and Daphne closed her eyes as she looked up, expecting a scathing, irritated look on her face. When she opened them, however, there wasn’t a trace of any of those emotions, just confusion and concern. Moira heaved herself up from beneath Daphne’s legs, until she was on top of her, at level with her eyes.

“Are you all right?” she whispered.

Daphne licked her lips and nodded, fighting back the sudden tears that were springing in her eyes. Lord, a slight look of concern and an “are you all right” from the other girl and she was practically crying. Pathetic.

“Say”, muttered Moira. “What is it? Did I hurt you?” the worry was evident in her eyes.

“No,” Daphne laughed, a wet, tearful sort of laugh. “I think you’ve noticed I don’t mind being hurt, physically speaking.”

Moira smiled slightly, still looking concerned, confused, questioning. Daphne sighed.

“I just…” She shook her head. “I can’t do this knowing you hate me”, to her horror, her voice caught in her throat slightly. She blew her tousled curls out of her face, angry at herself for being so weak.

Moira frowned.

“I don’t hate you, idiot”, she murmured. “May I remind you, you’re the one who made it clear you still hated me. You said it like this wouldn’t change that.”

Daphne smiled weakly as she remembered.

“I suppose you’re right, I did say that. It wasn’t true though, I don’t hate you either” she sighed.

“Of course I’m right. I’m always right”, replied Moira.

“I wouldn’t push it that far - oh, I forgot, this isn’t a democracy, so in your deluded dictator’s brain, you are always right” said Daphne, dryly, but smiling slightly.

Moira rolled her eyes, the corners of her lips twitching.

“Well, I have to say it feels good to argue again. It was beginning to get rather awkward, wasn’t it?” she murmured, stroking a strand of Daphne’s golden hair.

Daphne nodded, feeling tears prick at her eyes again. She couldn’t believe she was actually getting emotional over _arguing_ again. Jesus Christ, what was going on with her? Moira looked at her for a while, silently, as though studying her. Then, hesitantly, she intertwined her fingers with hers.

“I’m not good at showing – you know…emotion”, began Moira, the word almost foreign in her mouth.

“You don’t say”, replied Daphne dryly, to which Moira gave her a withering look. “Sorry, force of habit” she giggled. Moira shook her head, an exasperated yet amused smile playing on her lips.

“You’re just as bad, though. You’re impossibly stubborn”, pointed out Moira.

“I am not.”

“Yes you are. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is – I don’t hate you. I couldn’t do this with someone I hate, believe it or not. I actually thought _you_ did and I – honestly, I didn’t want to become too invested” she finished, her voice curt but soft. “I do have feelings – and I’m protective of them. I guess it’s why I don’t show them.”

Daphne lifted her hand and stroked her hair gently.

“I don’t hate you either”, repeated Daphne, softly, trying to figure out what she felt if it wasn’t hate. Lust, of course, but it was more than that.

“All right, we’ve now established we don’t hate each other. I feel like this is a big step”, said the dark haired girl sarcastically.

Daphne giggled softly, swatting her playfully. There was a short silence as they looked at each other questioningly, curiously. It was definitely better than that dreadful staring-at-the-ceiling silence they had shared last time.

“I don’t hate you, but I don’t know you. I’d like to know you, though” murmured Daphne, after a while.

Moira nodded slowly.

“I’d like that, too” she replied, leaning down and capturing the other girl’s lips. It was a different kiss to the ones they had shared previously. There was no anger, no force, no dominance; it was slower, gentler, sweeter, like they were slowly discovering all the flavors in each other and didn’t want to miss one.

“You could start by telling me your greatest fear for once and for all” said Moira, breaking apart from the kiss. Daphne laughed and rolled her eyes.

“Is this all just an elaborate ploy to get me to collaborate on that stupid essay?” she groaned, pretending to be annoyed.

“Now that’s an idea, why didn’t I think of it earlier?” sighed Moira, trying to suppress a grin but failing. They both laughed, and Moira rolled off Daphne, lying down beside her. Daphne rolled on her side and propped herself up on her elbow, facing her.

“All right. My biggest fear – it’s probably stealing again, honestly” admitted Daphne, looking ashamed. “I’ve never told anyone this, ever – but the urge to do it, it never really goes away. I don’t think it ever will. If you tell anyone about this, I’ll kill you” she added, shooting warning daggers with her eyes.

“I wouldn’t dare”, replied Moira. “But why do you have that urge, do you think?”

Daphne thought for a little bit and sighed. “I think it’s about disappointing my parents, deep down. They’ve always expected me to marry rich, and do well…and I can’t see myself marrying a man. That’s why I started to steal, and that’s why I’m afraid I’ll do something stupid for some luxury.”

She looked at the other girl in the eye and gave a weak smile. “You must think I’m so frivolous” she sighed.

Moira shook her head.

“No, I think you’re very introspective and honest with yourself and that you know yourself and you know your weaknesses. And I think you’re strong enough to get what you need without succumbing to them” she replied softly.

“Your turn”, said Daphne. She didn’t want to go too deep just yet; she was only just beginning to trust the other girl.

“I guess…” Moira thought long and hard. “Being like my father” she said finally, with a sigh.

Daphne raised her eyebrows, taken aback slightly. She hadn’t expected that. She knew nothing about the other girl’s family.

“Why’s that?” she asked.

“I take after him a lot. He was…dictatorial, and power hungry and…not a good person” she replied, rather curtly. Her face and voice looked void of emotion, even though it was surely hard for her to talk about. “I guess I’m afraid I’ll grow so cold and domineering I’ll harm people. Like dictators do”, she smiled weakly.

Daphne looked at her as though expecting her to go on. Moira opened her mouth as if to continue, but no words seemed to came out.

“It’s all right, old thing. You don’t have to tell me everything now. We have loads of time to come to know each other” said Daphne gently, noticing the girl was uncomfortable despite her emotionless expression. Moira smiled slightly, twisting a lock of the blonde’s hair around her finger.

“If it’s any consolation, I quite like you being domineering at times” murmured Daphne into her ear. “Especially when you pin me up against the wall and refuse to let me move.”

Moira smirked and rolled on top of the other girl, pinning her arms above her head.

“Like this?” she muttered.

Daphne nodded, spreading her legs, eyes glazed over with lust.

“Exactly.”


End file.
